Due to frequent requests, I would like to share my experiences with the method "Working with Coping Stances" from the family therapy model according to Virginia Satir.
"Coping stances" are a central concept in Virginia Satir's therapeutic approach. They describe four basic attitudes or communication styles with which people react to stress or threat. Understanding and working with these coping stances can help to identify and change communication patterns in order to promote more authentic and healthier relationships.
The four coping stances are:
Blaming : Here the person directs their energy and anger outwards and blames others for their problems or feelings. This can be perceived as an attack or criticism.
Placating : This attitude involves the person trying to please others, often at the expense of their own needs or feelings. They tend to take the blame even when they are not responsible.
Rationalizing (Super-reasonable) : Here the person retreats into their head and speaks in a very logical, rational manner, often without emotional involvement. This can be perceived as distant or cold.
Distracting : In this attitude, the person tries to divert attention from the actual problem or conflict, often through humor, constantly changing the subject, or other diversionary tactics.
The goal of working with coping stances is to recognize these patterns and move on to a fifth style, the Congruent style. The clarifying style is authentic, honest, and expresses both thoughts and feelings in a balanced and respectful way .
Working with coping stances :
Recognize : The first step is to recognize the current coping stance pattern. This can be done through self-observation, feedback from others, or therapeutic interventions.
Understanding : It is important to understand why you tend to adopt a certain coping stance. Often these patterns have developed in childhood or in previous relationships and served as survival strategies.
Experimenting : Once identified, one can experiment with other communication styles. This can be done in a safe environment through role playing.
Develop new patterns : With time and practice, you can learn to recognize automatic reactions and choose to respond in a clarifying, authentic way.
Get feedback : It can be helpful to get feedback from trusted people or the coach to monitor progress and identify further areas for improvement.
Please feel free to contact me for discussions, questions or comments.
Best regards, Dr. Albrecht Ebertzeder
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